Gods and Gurus

Grab that coaching book and a copy of The Secret, sit cross legged for a moment and give a little ommm. Pack your bags and saddle up your unicorn, we are going back to Jericho. It’s a whole new trip and you are all invited.

Sitting in front of a bookshelf whilst you talk about “my journey” is so yesterday and old fashioned. Facebook status updates about your happy clients will no longer pass muster. There’s a new trick in town. It’s an old trick made new. Rediscovered maybe, but never lost.

The medicine show died a slow death along with its gullible patients, but the gurus will always live on. At first the new young things scene adopted their gurus and their gods. They paid them money, hung out with them, had their photos taken for all to see. Who you trained with, when you trained with them, your relationship to the God-like trainer was all so important, but alas that is no more.

The passage of time has rendered the old Gods so passé. Their message has been assimilated into the culture, so now is the time to express contempt for the new kids finding their message for the first time and who cite their message as new. We reject the old, forever on with the new. There are new gods in town and they no longer sit in front of book shelves and talk about their journey.

These days these new gurus and gods in town talk about other people’s journeys, offering guidance and wisdom as they struggle to maintain their beatific state in front of the camera. They do offer up their experience, express their vulnerability, try to be open. Vulnerability is the new secret code. Expressing past mistakes and regrets is the new way of maintaining focus on the self, whilst imagining and pretending to be guiding others. Mysticism is the new model, bringing the light into the darkness, bringing the darkness into the light of reason. The universe speaks to us, and we need to hear it’s message. Not just for us, but for all of humanity. We are the messengers, the intermediate, the messiah to whom the universe communicates the truth. And it is Truth that we now speak.

The debts that are forever mounting up, the failed relationships, the bankruptcy, the poor health. These are not signs of failure but instead are demonstrations to ourselves of the sacrifice that we are willing to make to dedicate ourselves to the truth. We suffer to take away the pain of others, we take the sin away from mankind. We didn’t ask for it to be easy, but you must know how we suffer so, but we won’t mention the current debt or letter from the tax man. Our worldly concerns and chronic unemployment are not your concern. But we will teach you how to be wealthy, happy and sane. Your devotion, loyalty and money is all we ask.

Come and be in my company, we can sit silently and meditate. I can teach you magick and connect you to the orgasmic moment of creation. I will talk of Hermeticism, tantra, yantra, yoga, Yarker and Crowley. We can share of ourselves, give a little of us to each other, imagine we have changed the world by changing a little piece of ourselves. There is no suffering, there is only beauty. You just need to look and see, we will help you remove the blinkers that blind you.

We will raise the temple. There are no techniques, processes or therapies. Just Truth, Love and Hope. The new holy trinity that will cure all of mankind’s ills, if you all would only watch our youtube videos and talk to us via Skype for a small fee so that we may plan our next trip.


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2 Responses to Gods and Gurus

  1. Pete Sarginson says:

    Ohhhmmmm! Yeah OK then I’ll give it a go. Ummm? The unicorn bit……will I need some herbal matter for this or scary pharmacological drugs to do this bit? I’ve got a copy of ” The Secret. ” maybe I could order the unicorns off this. Although apparently you have to be quite specific with your cosmic ordering. I asked for a Porsche 911, pretty blondie type person & buckets of cash to go with it. Still waiting……maybe i wasn’t specific enough!?
    Would you mind awfully if i didn’t have to do the cross legged sit down thingy. Both my legs get cramp & when I try to stand up I fall down; always a tad embarrassing! Is this what you would call a double bind by any chance?
    I don’t know any Guru’s or have never knowingly trained with one. Probably just as well because recently I thought that Guru was a Punjabi expression for testicles. Anyway i don’t really want to have to give any Guru my hard earned cash ( read that as tight wad ). It’s bad enough having to scrap with the tax type person over it.
    This magick stuff. Are you able to do the Izzy wizzy ( is that those pharmacological drugs again?! ) lets get busy bit? I’m easily impressed. I still think that Paul Daniels is an ace magician! You could maybe cast a magick spell & resurrect him……..cool!
    So anyway I’m willing to have a go & learn something new. Sorry got to go I can hear ward sister screaming my name.

  2. Alexander Chaitanya says:

    It seems many people ARE looking for something more… and that there are also many charlatons willing to sell us a piece of blue sky for a high price, or a promise of magical solutions that are as good as the emperors new clothes. But what would real support look like? The people who are falling for the rubbish transformational gurus, seminars and training courses are often the people who dare to dream in what’s possible. They want to change themselves and make the world a better place. They don’t purposefully sign up to give all of their time and money away to a false god. How would a brainwashed person recognise they are brainwashed?
    I wonder about how we might educate people who are being coercively persuaded into the guru-trap, (whether in the form of authoritarian coaches, trainers or mystical teachers), to recognise what’s happened to them, and to see through the rubbish promises?
    People need the transcendent. We need a star to wish upon… it keeps us young and our inspiration breathes life into mundane living. But how can we best guide the dreaming process in ourselves and those who we influence- to empower critical thinking, and to keep the spirit enlivened whilst being fully awake to the fantasy as what it is? How can we actually make the world a better place?

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